In 2021, we gifted you with our annual season predictions for Stanford Football, which included some incredible moments of foresight and laughable instances of delusion. Somehow, for example, all but I predicted a bowl game for Stanford last year—a meagre one, but a bowl nonetheless. That didn't happen. Grant gets points for correctly guessing the Pac-12 title combatants, and we all correctly guessed Thomas Booker's excellent season... but beyond that our predictions didn't ring true. The biggest swing and miss of them all? I predicted Stanford would play 70% of their games before 1pm PT. We only played 17%, proving I don't know how scheduling works.
Now that the 2021 campaign is over and done with—a campaign that saw us win only 3 games, 2 of which were bafflingly against top 15 opponents—it's time to try our hand at 2022. It's also time to try to BELIEVE because oh my has it been a depressing pit of football despair these last few years. Enjoy this new serving of Channel Tree's season predictions and delusions:
Season Record
Jose Saldana: 5-7
Grant Avalon: 5-7
Sam Weyen: 6-6 (a return to sweet mediocrity including guaranteed wins over 2 ranked opponents)
David Ta: 4-8
Most Exciting Game
JS: USC because non-conference games are exciting, and I will boo so hard.
GA: I don’t anticipate much to play for this year, so Big Game will mean a bit more
SW: U$C - we got their coach fired last year. This year we have a chance to humiliate them under Lincoln Riley and scorn Stanford to U$C transfer Austin Jones. Are we good enough to pull this off? Probably not, but that hasn't stopped us before.
DT: Big Game - the school with the least fans vs. the school with the second least fans.
Least Exciting Game
JS: PAC-12 Championship Game because Stanford won’t be in it. Real answer is Colgate.
GA: Colgate (hopefully)
SW: Whichever games are relegated to Pac-12 network.
DT: None - because I love every moment of Stanford football.
Team Offensive MVP
JS: Tanner McKee
GA: Tanner McKee
SW: Benjamin Yurosek, TE and King of Baby Carrots (his great-grandfather invented them)
DT: Tanner McKee, QB
Team Defensive MVP
JS: Kyu Blu Kelly
GA: Kyu Blu Kelly, CB
SW: Kyu Blu Kelly (duh)
DT: Kyu Blu Kelly, CB
Most Improved
JS: Probably, EJ but I believe in wide receiver Brycen Tremayne to make a comeback from injury
GA: E.J. Smith, RB
SW: The Brycen Tremayne injury comeback campaign starts NOW (ps - remember that awful "Next Starts Now" branding initiative from football that kicked off our skid into irrelevance?)
DT: E.J. Smith, RB
Rookie / Newcomer of the Year
JS: David Bailey, DE
GA: Patrick Fields, S (Oklahoma transfer)
SW: Sam Roush, the TE that will continue our surprisingly strong string of NFL-ready TEs
DT: David Bailey, Edge
Pac-12 Title Game
JS: USC vs Oregon
GA: Oregon vs Utah
SW: Utah vs U$C
DT: Utah vs USC
Bowl Game
JS: No.
GA: It could happen!
SW: Bounce back year means we're chillin in LA with Guillermo and Jimmy Kimmel in early early December (pls)
DT: I once got a date so anything could happen.
Best Storyline
JS: That changing to a 4-3 defense will help the defense perform better.
GA: The return of Brycen Tremayne from injury
SW: Bleacher Report: Which coaches are on the hotseat? *clickbait picture of David Shaw*
DT: Tanner McKee shows everyone why he’s going day 1.
Pac-12 Expansion/Dissolution Prediction
JS: One of my Uber drivers wrote to the UCLA alumni association a strongly-worded letter about his disapproval of UCLA’s switch to the BIG 10. I’m hoping that letter convinces UCLA to come back.
GA: The ten stay together for the medium term, with looks toward modest expansion
SW: I think we add SDSU and Colorado State down the road, but not for another year or two. Notre Dame's decision will usher in another round of chaos.
DT: Something happens but I’m not sure what would shock me at this point.
At the end of the season, Shaw will be...
JS: Losing his religion
GA: Having a bonfire of statistics books
SW: Still the second highest paid coach in CFB behind Nick Saban
DT: Everything will be on fire but Shaw will be telling everyone that our problem is that the players need to execute
Hottest Take
JS: Tanner will be the best performing QB in the nation
GA: Stanford once again beats a ranked opponent while missing a bowl game
SW: U$C wins against a ranked opponent early, "U$C IS BACK" is screamed by every talking head, and they go 6-6 on the year with a loss to the Beavs.
DT: Someone will get fired
--Fear The Me.